It's Friday. Sex?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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