sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
