4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
