dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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