You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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