You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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