can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
