how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
