so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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