I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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