Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
