Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
