so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
