Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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