Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
zippers are such a cool invention
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
