Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
