I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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