I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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