Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
