I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
