my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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