I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
