I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
