That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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