i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
