I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
