so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
