you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
