tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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