the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
