Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
