just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
