I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
