Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you made out with another girl for some wings
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
