Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
