I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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