Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
