Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
