My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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