Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
