I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
