I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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