btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How external is "for external use only"?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
