I wanna passion pit in your ass
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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