I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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