We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
