Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
