I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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