I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
