dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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