After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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