Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"