Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
