Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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  (845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt. http://tfl.nu/ayuf
  Replies (147) Good night (1914) Bad night (5628)
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  (607): View more from New York

  How was dinner with ur grandparents?

  (1-607): View more from New York

  I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

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  (607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup
  Replies (18) Good night (1543) Bad night (6674)
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  (310): View more from California

  Even water is tasting like jack daniels

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  (310): Even water is tasting like jack daniels http://tfl.nu/2l5a
  Replies (15) Good night (4926) Bad night (1306)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

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  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (149) Good night (11595) Bad night (2281)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.

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  (360): While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever. http://tfl.nu/mdyd
  Replies (16) Good night (6567) Bad night (831)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?

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  (440): any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10? http://tfl.nu/j6t4
  Replies (13) Good night (1137) Bad night (5015)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for

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  (817): you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for http://tfl.nu/dk1d
  Replies (24) Good night (1329) Bad night (4263)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him

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  (785): Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him http://tfl.nu/x0sm
  Replies (31) Good night (1630) Bad night (6465)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.

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  (817): Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was. http://tfl.nu/0op6
  Replies (6) Good night (1012) Bad night (3941)
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  (+43): View more from

  She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.

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  (+43): She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in. http://tfl.nu/w2z8
  Replies (3) Good night (855) Bad night (2384)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette

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  (215): fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette http://tfl.nu/iod4
  Replies (6) Good night (1242) Bad night (531)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it

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  (919): It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it http://tfl.nu/58vo
  Replies (4) Good night (1003) Bad night (541)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!

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  (804): Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body! http://tfl.nu/7w2d
  Replies (4) Good night (1203) Bad night (632)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.

  (254): View more from Texas

  It's 2 pm....

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  (940): I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas. (254): It's 2 pm.... http://tfl.nu/onth
  Replies (3) Good night (1893) Bad night (473)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?

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  (514): Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew? http://tfl.nu/9nvu
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (604)

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