I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
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I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.