Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.