just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed