wat bout pragnant strippers??
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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