I'm jealous of your bromance
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
