I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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