pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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