she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you inspire me to be a worse person
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
