I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All the doctor said was why
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
