he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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