the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
