We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hippo gnu deer
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
