i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
