not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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