If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
