there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
