her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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